Love is Hard (and Worth It)

First of all, please forgive the tardiness.  I've been dealing with limited free time and technical issues, but I'm back now.

As a race, we humans have a good deal to be proud of.  In the span of a few thousand years we have advanced from living in mud-daub huts and hunting with bows to setting a man on the Moon, and we aren't quitting yet.  Scientific and technological progress, general consensus and statistics show, is a good thing.  But what of social progress?  Is that always a step forward, a step in the right direction?  Certainly no one can sensibly argue that the great civil rights victories won in the past two centuries have been bad things; women's suffrage, worker's unions, and desegregation have brought society towards equanimity; by no means is our work done, but we're a good deal closer to that goal than we were in, say, 1920.

But there come times when social progress, rather than lifting society upwards, instead corrodes its foundations, stunting its growth instead of hastening it.  One clear example of this is the "Sexual Revolution" that swept campuses and cities across the country in the late '60s, and in many ways is still playing out today.  Look what the movement has won for us: it's now acceptable, nay, encouraged to go out and hook up with multiple partners; cheating is seen as a permissible, even silly thing; people who take dating relationships seriously at a young age are considered emotionally immature by those who prefer to "keep things casual", instead of the other way around; the term "slut" is discouraged not because it is a rude and offensive term in general, but because a small (but growing) minority of young women wear the word as a badge of pride.

In short, the sexual revolution has changed the way many young people view relationships: in terms of sex, rather than love.

The modern M.O. seems to be a cavalier disregard for the feelings of everyone involved in a romantic situation save for one's own; that, if one does not find what he or she is looking for in a particular partner in the way of physical attraction and attention, then one is free and encouraged to find greener pastures elsewhere.  This in turn implies that the focus in a relationship is not upon how to make a partnership last, but how to make it exciting in the moment; rather than searching for a deeper emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection, many are satisfied with sex and sex alone.

We have created this society ourselves, either by actively participating in this change or being silently complicit.  For those who reject this new approach to relationships, it can get rather lonely.  Johnny Cash put it best, in his song "Solitary Man":

I've had it to here, being where 
Love's a small word;
A part-time thing,
A paper ring.

Love, genuine, lasting love, is hard.  Very, very hard.  It requires work, it requires patience, it requires forgiveness and strength.  When we get over having a crush on someone and settle into a deeper relationship, we realize that while that person is the most special person in the world for us they are, at the end of the day, human.  They may have bad table manners.  They might leave the toilet seat up.  They might snore loud enough to rattle the windows.  They might be exactly like you, warts and all.  Great.  They might have totally different interests from you, different friends, different passions, different habits, and hey, that's ok too.  Every relationship has the potential to work in the long run, but only if those involved focus on long-run things.  If we only have sex on the brain, then we place an expiration date on every relationship we have, and we are unlikely to find love in the truest, fullest sense of the word.

Our culture, as it exists today, places sacrosanct importance on the right of the individual to have whatever he or she desires, and to have it now.  True love goes against this.  Love is a rejection of the self for the other.  True love is saying "I have things that I want, but I'm willing to put those off or forego them completely for this person."  True love is not a fleeting flash of carnal passion, but a promise; a promise to work hard, stay the course, and make sacrifices for the one you love, because they're worth it.

Valentine's Day Ramblings

Hat-tip to the "Catholic Gentleman" blog, for their interesting entry on St. Valentine: http://catholicgentleman.net/2014/02/14/gentleman-saint-saint-valentine/

Valentine's Day is a interesting holiday. I've always found something about the way it is currently celebrated to be, in a way, off-putting. This is not to say I dislike the concept of a romantic holiday- I think it's a nice idea. I would however, posit that the current, over-commercialized frenzy of tacky cards and sweets is not the best way to celebrate love.

Many excellent bloggers have already tackled this subject at great length over the years, so perhaps I am merely rehashing an already well-hashed topic. Still, it's a quiet, damp cold winter day in Michigan, and I'm in a mood to ramble, so.......

People seem to more conflicted - or perhaps divided - about celebrating Valentine's Day then they do for just about any other holiday that I can think of at the moment. Many single folks hate it for shining the spot-light on their singleness (single's awareness day!)... those in relationships often feel they have to live up to some societal standard (real or imagined), to "prove" their love.....

Many people feel it's degenerated into little more then a feeding frenzy for large corporations, who have sucked any authentic romance out of the holiday, and thus refuse to celebrate it as a form of social protest. I happen to have a certain sympathy for this viewpoint. Others might agree that it is too commercialized, but still like having a special day marked out for their significant other. I can sympathize with this stance too.

As Catholics, however, we are called to be in the world, but not of it, and I think Valentine's Day is a fascinating opportunity to put that into action.

As I said before, I see nothing wrong with the concept of a special day for couples to celebrate their love. That being said, there is an aspect of Valentine's Day (apart from the creeping consumerism) which leaves me troubled. Simply put, that it's too easy.

Many guys seem to have a mindset that going out to the mall and buying some fancy chocolates and a few roses constitutes "love". I disagree. Bl. John Paul once said this: "Love is a constant challenge, thrown to us by God.". True love is more than fuzzy feelings, but rather, as I heard it once said, "consciously and actively willing the good of the other". I wonder sometimes how many men out there, who are in relationships or marriages make an effort to celebrate Valentine's Day, but then do barely anything for the remaining 364 days of the year.... or worse, make an effort for this day, but then revert back to treating their girlfriends/wives in ways that are far from loving.

This is a post aimed mostly at men. So, I would challenge my fellow dudes out there to a little challenge: should you be lucky enough to have a girlfriend or wife, by all means, celebrate Valentine's Day! It's fun to have one day in particular set aside to honor your significant other. But don't stop there. If Valentine's Day is, in fact, about the celebration of love, then try to do something each week to show appreciation for your girlfriend/wife. Don't take the easy way out and leave it to one day a year. If you have an artistic bent, make her a handmade card once in a while. Leave her a note where she'll find it later. If you're married, clean up after dinner so she doesn't have to (or better yet, try your hand at actually cooking a dinner!). Surprise her with something- a hug, a cup of coffee or coca, something that you don't ordinarily think of.

Evan and I will be exploring chivalry and it's role today in some future posts. So for you men out there, bring chivalry back. Take the hard road, and consciously, actively will the good of your girlfriend or wife, each and every day.

A Room of One's Own

A few years ago, near the end of my junior year of high school, I attended the Middlebury College Young Writers' Conference at Breadloaf. Needless to say, it was an awesome experience; there is no feeling compared to what one feels when surrounded by people who share the same passions and interests as you. It didn't hurt that the Breadloaf campus is stunningly beautiful, an isolated village of old wood buildings surrounded by gentle rolling hills, sunny meadows, and untouched forests.

One of the speakers at the conference talked about writing, or trying to write, while being distracted. She asked us what some of the biggest distractions for us were. Someone shouted something about their cat sitting on the keyboard; that elicited a few chuckles from the audience. Someone else chimed in: “Lack of coffee!” A few whoops and hearty laughs arose.

Then someone said: “Internet!”

The whole room stirred; we had all been there before. We had all started a writing project, or a creative endeavor of some sort, only to be sidetracked by the constant lure of technology. Collectively, we had no doubt wasted thousands of hours on Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, who knows where else. If it is this difficult to get our everyday work or our creative efforts done without getting sidetracked, one can only imagine how our spiritual lives—often relegated to the back burner on our list of priorities—have suffered.

Some people try to counteract this trend by becoming veritable Luddites, shutting themselves off social media and ridding themselves of electronic devices. But this change is superficial, and often when we do this we'll just fill the gap left by our phones and computers with other material things. We're not solving the problem, just moving the goalpost. Computers and the Internet aren't evil, nor are they the sole source of spiritual distraction; they are merely the latest distractions, and at this particular point in time one of the most prevalent.

We need to carve out two things for our spiritual lives: time and space. Time is hard enough, but what about space? This aspect of spiritual life is often overlooked. Certainly, church is an excellent place to grow in one's faith and connection with God, but most of us can't go to church every single day. We must find other ways and places to pursue God, and this can often be difficult.

Ask yourself this: what opportunities during the day do I have to be in complete silence and stillness, alone?

Then ask yourself: what do I usually fill this time with? Do I fill it with meaningful things or do I mess around and waste time?

We all need distractions and entertainment. Life would be a deathly bore without fun, and God wants our relationship with Him to be a joyous one, not a grudging “I guess so” because we have nothing better to do. But we should think about how much time we devote to movies, TV, video games, and refreshing our Facebook feeds. If we work to eliminate even a small fraction of this extra noise, we would find ourselves far more relaxed, at peace, and ready to open our hearts and minds to God.

But that still leaves the problem of physical place. Find something that you enjoy, but find relaxing: for me, it's sailing. For someone else, it may be reading. For another, camping. Find an activity that requires you to carve out a space of your own. See how easy that was, when you were doing it for a physical task or object? It's far easier to sort out space in a tent or a canoe than it is to sort out space in your heart for God, but the two are connected.

Once you are in a space of your own, doing something that you want to do, away from the demands and distractions of your life, sorting out that inner space will suddenly seem much easier.

All that is required is all that God is: time and space.  

If Your Right Hand Offends You

“When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross” -Sinclair Lewis

This may seem like a strange quote to put at the beginning of a post on a decidedly Christian blog. It's a common enough quote; I hear it quite often, usually directed at Christians (Catholic or otherwise) by people who disagree with our teachings or beliefs. Certainly Lewis, an atheist himself, had a bone to pick with Christianity, even famously standing on a preacher's pulpit and commanding God to strike him down to prove His existence (no lightning or falling anvils were forthcoming). Most often, however, I see this quote being used in the political arena, as a response to the political actions of the fundamentalist Christian right.

We've all witnessed the shenanigans that far-right extremists have gotten into in recent years; from the formation of the Tea Party to the obstructionism that has become routine in Congress, they have certainly gone out of their way to sully their names (and the name of their party) in front of a very disappointed nation. The media is filled with examples of hateful words spoken by those who preach from a pulpit founded on the teachings of peace, love, and forgiveness. The recent debate between Bill Nye and creationist Ken Ham only further cemented the secular public's view of Christians as backward in their education and reactionary in their politics.

We wonder why so many people, young people in particular, are driven from organized Christian faith. We look everywhere: the allure of secular culture, the novelty of passing trends, the wholesale rejection of tradition and morality in some circles. Certainly, all these things are problematic, but some of the burden of guilt lies with us as well.

I know what many Catholic readers are thinking, or perhaps saying out loud, at this moment:

“But I'm not like that! WE'RE not like that!”

True, by and large Catholics are not “like that.” We are under no obligation to reject science and supplant it with blind faith; the man who conceived the Big Bang Theory, let's not forget, was a Catholic priest, and many other scientists and philosophers throughout the ages have been Catholic. We are taught not to hate any person or group of people; though some people's choices are reprehensible in our faith, it should not lessen our love for them as a fellow child of God. By and large, we try not to become the “fascists” that Sinclair Lewis warned of.

But our silence and detachment is not enough. We may be the silent majority who reject the vitriolic new rhetoric from the Christian right, but as long as we remain silent and inactive we allow this noisy minority to speak for us. Reflect on this verse from the Gospel according to Matthew:

“And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” -Matthew 5:30

We must show we are different from the populist caricature of Christianity by actually being different, not just in our words but in our actions. We must cut off and throw away these stereotypes by removing ourselves from them; from their media circles, their political blocs, from our own thoughts. We are members of the Church that Christ entrusted to us; it is to Him we must ultimately look for guidance. People turn away from the Church because they see her (or a portion of it) not fulfilling her promise to spread the good news through works of love, mercy, and charity; it is precisely these things that will draw people back.

It is easy to become caught up in political debates, to be swayed by the impassioned rhetoric of a charismatic radical. But let us never forget to center our decisions and actions on the teachings of Christ, who taught us to act with love and mercy; if we follow in His footsteps, we shall never go astray.

Review: Viking Blod Mead

"Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do”. Ecclesiastes 9:7

Wherein I write the first review of one of the few forms of alcohol worth drinking: Mead. For those not yet acquainted with this fine beverage, mead, or “honey wine” as it is sometimes (and perhaps, not entirely accurately) called, is an alcoholic beverage, principally made from fermented honey and water (although various fruits, herbs and spices are sometimes added for additional flavoring). Mead is most commonly associated with Northern Europe – particularly the Vikings – although fermented honey drinks have been produced by many different cultures across the world.

Mead seems to have played an especially important role in the early medieval Scandinavian cultures. The Saga of Beowulf mentions Heorot, a “mead-hall” of impressive portions, whose unlucky occupants were slaughtered by the monster Grendel. We can find references in Nordic mythology as well: the halls of Valhalla were supposed to be well-stocked with mead, to sate the thirst of the Gods and victorious warriors during their feasts, and skáldskapar mjaðar (the Mead of Poetry) was a mythical mead that conferred upon the drinker assorted scholastic powers.

Lastly, in J. R. R. Tolkien's The Hobbit (required reading for any aspiring young Catholic gentleman), the house of the shape-shifter Beorn includes a fine mead hall, where mead and food is served to Bilbo, Gandalf and the Company of Dwarves.

I have sampled a number of meads, but today I will be reviewing what is possibly my all-time favorite, Viking Blod Danish Mead.

Viking Blod:

Gladius Fidelis Rating: 10/10

19% Alc/Vol

Standard Bottle Size: 750ml
Country of origin: Denmark

Importer’s Description: “This artisan metheglin-style Danish mead has hibiscus and hops, which give it a soft, citrus-like flavor and very floral aroma. Its finish is hoppy-dry, spicy, and very warming”.

Made by Dansk Mjød, from Bilund, Denmark. Easily the best mead I have ever had the pleasure to sample, I was introduced to Viking Blod by (appropriately enough) a Danish friend of mine from college. Viking Blod is, to put it simply, superb (no surprises there, as the Scandinavians have been making mead for many hundreds of years) and best enjoyed in small quantities. It has a smooth, honeyed taste, with a delightful finish. The hops and hibiscus are subtle, and are a fine, "organic" addition to the honeyed, quintessential "mead" flavor. It is sweet, but not cloyingly so. There is a very faint “peppery” finish, but (strange as that might sound), it complements the hops/hibiscus finish extremely well. The alcohol content - 19% - is certainly noticeable, but not overpowering, and is perhaps half the proof of some harder drinks, such as vodka or whiskey. It comes in a study, heavy earthenware bottle with an especially attractive label.

 

I recommend drinking it in moderate portions, served in a well-chilled glass, or should you be lucky enough to own one, a Viking drinking horn.